Love Hurt

Org ckp tym bercinta best.Semuanya indah...at 1st i agree...mmg best sgt2 till tp bile luv mula mengganas,kita yg terseksa...napa aku ckp camni?sbb aku sendiri yg rasa benda ni semua.
Dulu cinta yang membuatkan aku lari,lari dr semua org yg aku sygi sebab aku x dapat terima kenyataan...dan skrg kena kat aku sekali lagi...kemana lagi aku harus lari...?????mungkin dah tiba masanya aku kembali...kembali ke tempat asal aku.walaupun berat,aku kena hadapinya juga...

aku tak tahu rupanya d zaman IT ,masalah seperti yg aku hadapi ni berlaku jg....aku sendiri keliru..sgt keliru...aku terasa seperti pendatang asing d bumi sendiri.

mungkinkah aku terlalu fikir jauh ke hadapan...aku terlalu leka,terlalu asyik dengan dunia yg aku reka sendiri sehingga aku xsedar benda ni terjadi pada diri aku sendiri.??bodohnya aku..betul..!!! ...aku rasa diri aku terlalu bodoh.

aku terkilan,kenapa dia tak pertahankan cinta kami.kenapa perlu akur dgn segalanya.dia sendiri kata pahit utk dia luahkan semuanya,berat untuk dia terima semuanya...klu berat kenapa x pertahan kan??aku betul2 rasa macam nak gila....

aku tak tahu kenapa semuanya berlaku time aku final...time keja aku berlambak,time jg masalah dtg...x boleh ke lepas aku final bru masalah dtg???maybe ni lh org kata dugaan ....tp kali ni...dugaan ni terlalu berat sbb aku betul2 perlukan support....tapi rasanya...aku perlu hadapi benda ni semua sorg2......

aku xsabar nak meninggalkan dunia asing ini...perlu kah aku ambil jalan yg singkat??....berdosa dan bersalah tolak tepi mungkin.!!!!

update...update..update...

haluu...wah lama suda aku x bebelog..napa ye?....d sebabkn ke"Busy"an aku as a student lah...tambah2 lg sejak my laptop rosak..susa nk on9 sbb menumpang laptop kawan..btw credit to Asma Ezzat cuz being such a good fren sbb aku slalu menyusahkan hang,meyakitkan hati hang tp hang skrg dh xamek port dh...makin cool and itu satu perubahan yg baik....hehehe...i meant maybe kita berdua sedaq yg perangai kita memang sama....so kena tolak ansur..tima kasi ye cik asma....

ok..back to track (ceh...ceh....mcm berlari pulak)

1st of all.....nak kongsi ngan all readers... I'M IN LOVE WITH YAZID YUSOP...best2.... aku harap kali ni both of us xde gaduh2 g..sbb b4 dis both of us mmg suke gaduh....ape2 lh...hehe...ok lh..xnk ceta lbh2 sbb x baek ceta lbh2...but i really hope our relationship will ends with marriage (Amin)

2ndly....this semester mmg semester yg gile .... every week ade presentation...pas tu dgn research lg... quiz lg..project clas lg...gile2...mmg crazy semester....cuti raya d pendekan cuz of H1N1 punya psl..xpsl2 UITM cuti seminggu ari tu....end of oct dh stat final so its means lbh kurang sebulan lg study....takut2 ....x ready lg sebenarnya.....so nak bt ape?STUDY lh hanah oiiii

3rdly,My lil'sista dpt baby boy yg 09.08.09 ari tu...nama dia MOHD.SYAFIQ... adeiii xsabar nak balik sabah jumpe this lil'boy....sabar2 insyaAllah awal december aku balik sabah...raya mo balik tp ticket mahal seh...RM 350(PERGI SAHAJA YE) so ,x pe lh...raya je kat WEST ni....Aku balik ipoh...counting days ni... xsabar nak jumpe my babybee....bestnyeeee

Lastly,hari raya dh nak dekat kira punye kira lagi seminggu nak raya..so...oleh itu..dengan itu...aku nak wish all my muslim fren SELAMAT HARI RAYA AND MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.... enjoy ur raya people :)

insyaAllah kalu rajin aku update lg belog aku ni :)

Apologize Letter to Yazid Yusop

Dear yazid,

First of all i would like to say a million sorry. Even tough i know this wont changed everything. I'm so sorry cuz being so selfish without thinking 'bout ur feeling.I admit that i'm so stupid cuz i'm acting like that. Since that day, i'm felt so down and i couldn't stop thinking about you.yes,i mad,i'm mad about u. i realize that i should put my ego away.

Yazid,i'm so sory for everything.
I thought i'm strong enough when i faced this situations again but then i realize that i couldn't!!! Maybe i'm the one who is hoping that :we still have us:?///

I'm not strong enough and its very hard to forgetting u...i tried so hard but it seems i cant!!!..Yazid, are u sure this is the best for us?

I'm so sorry yazid.......

10 things why i love about SABAH

wawawawa...rindu bah aku sma sabah so i decide to list why i love sabah so much....

1. Fresh and Good Food everywhere specially SEAFOOD
2.Toll Free and clear road...hardly ever jam :)
3. Can talk sabahan language (mix of english ,malay,chinese ,dusun and byk lagi) and no matter chinese ka, kadazan ka, murut ka,melayu ka semua mesti used the word Bah and BBKK.(buli bah kalu ko) Multi- racial...42 tribes in sabah but semua pun UNITY bah...
4.Friendly people and sweet smile like me :P
5.The Island , beach and mestilh Mt.Kinabalu ....paradise on earth bah......
6.Cool place, really relaxed and laid back environment
7.The dress so casual ...klu d sabah keluar rumah p kadai or mall pakai seluar pindik pun no hal,no one will stares at u..
8.Transportation ..seriously Sabah public transport is much better than Melaka
9. Less crime...no rempits :)
10.Because my family, relatives and friends in Sabah

Dear Babybee.....

Dear babybee,
before u ended the msg u said this"Amar Makruf Nahi Mungkar"....at 1st, m not understand at all but i tried to find the meaning...thanks for reminding me...thanks for ur concern i appreciate it so much....m so sory cuz i made u upset..sory


Amar Makruf adalah ungkapan
yang membawa erti menyuruh serta
mengajak melakukan perkara-perkara
yang baik, yakni perkara-perkara yang
diperintahkan oleh Allah S.W.T dan
Rasul-Nya serta apa jua perkara yang
tidak menyalahi syariat. Ini
termasuklah melaksanakan lima Rukun
Islam, berakhlak baik, menuntut ilmu,
hidup saling bantu membantu serta
hormat menghormati di antara satu
sama lain, hidup bersatu padu dan
amalan serta sifat lain yang terpuji.

Manakala ungkapan NahiMungkar pula bererti mencegah atau
melarang daripada melakukan perkaraperkara
yang salah atau perkara yang
buruk dan keji, yakni perkara-perkara
yang ditegah oleh Allah dan Rasul-Nya.
Perkara yang salah atau keji di sisi
Islam bukan saja terhad kepada
perbuatan zina, judi, minum arak dan
makan riba, malah apa jua perkara yang
boleh mendatangkan mudarat kepada
kehidupan individu, keluarga,
masyarakat dan umat sejagat adalah
dilarang.

p/s : sory for everything....m not a good girl .....

30 Question .......

1.Bekas kekasih saya adalah:seorg yg sy hormati & masih sy sygi ;)
2.Saya sedang mendengar :Lenka songs,Dan Sebenarnya
3.Mungkin saya patut :ubah sikap buruk saya
4.Saya suka :Shooping, Surfing dan spend time with My Family and Friends
5.Sahabat-sahabat baik saya : Avane , Maya, Ayu, Nde, Nana & Dudut,Ezzat,Wana...terlalu ramai tuk di masukkan
6.Saya tak paham:Why i like to spend my money :P
7.Saya kehilangan:Idea...
8.Ramai yang berkata :Awak nampak lain....
9.Makna nama saya :Blond
10.Cinta itu adalah:Subjective ♥
11.Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :Keep on eye at me...
12.Saya akan cuba:Untuk kurangkan bermain facebook
13.Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud : Till death do us apart
14.Telefon bimbit saya:Nokia 8G
15.Bila saya terjaga dari tidur: Astaga baru jam 5.30 a.m. ke
16.Saya paling meluat apabila:org berkata ttg kita hakikatnya dorg x kenal kita
17.Pesta/Parti adalah :Kita Enjoy..yeah...yeah
18.Haiwan yang paling comel yang saya pernah temui ialah :My bro punya cat named DOMPOT
19.Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah:rest of my life
20.Hari ini : Saya sedang ber"Surfing"
21.Malam ini saya akan : Tido bersendirian
22.Esok pula saya akan : Ber"surfing"
23.Saya betul2 inginkan:Teman Lelaki.lalalalalala( main2 je :P)
24.Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :shet...ada Jerawatttt..di dahi
25.Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan: Shopping mall
26.Makanan Barat atau Jepun :More to western... Japanese food ....boleh la
27.Bilik yang terang atau gelap (Bright or dark room):Depends.
28.Makanan segera adalah:sedap tapi menggemukkan
29.Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan pada seseorang?Weh, babe aku x p HEP smlm...sory sgt2
30.Anda akan buat apa selepas jawab soalan ni?Bermain Facebook

Dear Dairy.....

Dear dairy....hahahaha...blog ni kira dairy lh ye sbb aku boleh cakap ape2 je dlm ni...

semalam aku seorang lagi kat umah...memandang kan laptop aku rosak so x bleh lah main tenet kalu malam.....so bile malam, keja aku ape lg..kalu x tgok tv,cd aku baca novel...smlm baca novel smpai nangis2 ....hahaha..gile ke x gile....baca novel smpai nangis cuz terlalu feel ngan novel tu...tajuk novel tu...Manisnya Cinta (jiwang gile) karya Anis Ayuni......Ifti ngan Nazmi watak utama and dorg berdua kenal sebab puding caramel so they called cinta dorg ni "CINTA PUDING KARAMEL" best gak......ada sedih..ada lucu.... but there is one part that i like so much bilamasa Nazmi cakap kat Ifti " Sebenarnya susah nak pikat u ni...u're very unpredictable..sekejap i rase i dah dapat u, kemudian i rasa sebaliknya pulak....."

Sebenarnya petikan tu betul2 buat aku terkena sgt.....aku rasa sepa2 yg pernah kawan dengan aku, dia akan rasa benda yg sama. But, aku rasa everyone have their own problems so it depends la camna dorg nak nilai kita...aku terima je apa penilaian org terhadap aku....

so, in my case..aku rasa....sepa2 yang tahan dgn ke"UNPREDICTABLE"an aku ni..for sure that person can get along with me...but for time being......i guess i will stay SINGLE and Not Available....

Luv,

Hanah....

happy + home alone = Hanah

m really happy since last nite...yup m alone in this big house...mati lh if my mumy know....mesti my mumy membebel......Last nite it was a short conversation between us but it really makes me happy :) smilling all the way.....

but....will this be forever???????
no one knows...but i hope it will be as what i want :)

Lately, i like to listen Yuna songs - Dan sebenarnya.... (nice song)

here's the lyric...

oh bulan
enggan layan diriku lagi
pabila,air mata membasahi pipi
dan lagu2 di radio seolah2 memerli aku
pabila,kau bersama yg lain
adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku
ku enggan berpura pura ku bahagia
ku enggan melihat kau bersama si dia
oh ku akui cemburu
telah menular dalam diri
pabilakau bersama yang lain
adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmudan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku
pabila kau merenung matanyaku rebah,
jatuh ke bumi
di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
seperti ku bernafas dalam air
adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmudan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu kau juga merindui aku oh

Part time Job

hola...

yes...exam aku dah abes ... now tgh tunggu result..pheeewwww takutnye but i od doing my best so i've i can get goooood result...

cuti sebulan lebih ni tp xtau nak bt apa....??last week aku cari keja part time then ada lh satu company ni.. dia nak Data Entry..part time and boleh keja kat umah. so aku try lh call n org company tu suruh aku datang interview....Next day aku g interview....the company really simple..only got few furniture and telephones. The telephone keep on ringing every 2 minutes which is so annoying...ok back to interview session... org yg interview aku tu nama dia CIK NADIA... dia tak tanya ape ttg aku tp directly talk about what data entry should do...aku pun dgn sungguh2 dgr lh apa dia explain...for me, amount yg boleh kita earn tu mmg nyaman ... RM650 per week beb...kejanye senang je....masukkan kan data2 org in the Form...aku pun teruja lh so dia tanya whether aku nak ke x nak....so, aku ckp lh YES.... but then with 1 conditions.. I SHOULD PAY THEM RM 179 .... wtf.....i lookin for a job n need money bukan nak bagi dorg ni duit....Minah tu ckp RM179 tu for pen drive , agreement for 1 year and stamping....so aku cakap kat minah tu "i will think first and will let u know by nex wek" then dia replied " ok, don't be so late because we need to confirm it " then aku kuar cam 2 je.

ish...gile ke ape nak aku bayar for a job....sorry lh yer.....then when aku ceta kat kwn2 aku, dey all ckp...Gile lh mana ade keja nak kita bayar, n benda ni mmg tipu ar....for me ...aku tak percaya mana2 offices yg nak kita bayar if kita nak keja dgn dorg.grrrr...so fikir2 lh sedalam-dalamnye...

bingung melanda diri..mana nak cari keja kosong ni...i need extra money cuz rancang nak p swk this July and of course for my studies lh...

so, anyone can help ?????? :)

stupid confession

21 : 21 (24th April 2009)

i made stupid confession again...i told him " I masih syg kat u" but no replied from him... may be i should let go my feeling towards him... it's really hard...pheeeewww...i need more time i guess...


the truth is " Ya, i still in Luv with Him"

TESCO EXTRA

It’s been two week since my last entry…hehe3 kinda bz lately bcoz my exam is around da corner… Exam start on 20th April and will be finished on 4th May….tp baru2 nie aku ada p berjalan-jalan sambil membuat derma…d TESCO yg membuat promosi PRICE CUT…agak banyak jg barang2 murah but still mahal lg compare to Pakcik Mydin store…

lepas membeli tu...aku pun membayar lh tp...punyalah ramai manusia at that time, pas 2 kaunter yg buka pun sikit jak...cessss....cakap Q-Buster kunun if more than 2 troli depan anda..Q-busted ada lah....ni bukti (cewaaaah sempat mengambil pic lg tu)


Ni pula kejadian yg berlaku dan x sepatutnya terjadi....since ada signboard tu


haaa..kan dh ckp td ... 3 troli bah suda d depan....ni lh org kata "ckp x serupa bikin"

Some picture i taken sbb of boring-ness waiting my turn to pay....

Caption: aiya…no money od so this month I’ve to eat mee meggie only lh… (10 boxes of mee meggie) walawei…

Caption: eh….alamak tak de bawa duit lh…camne ni?adui…..nak bayar tepung yg banyak ni…



Next picture...nilaikan sendiri lh ye........


Lastly,




p/s : hahahahaha…DO NOT PHOTOGRAPH THANK !!!!!

Luv,

laugh aloud baby!!!!!

Name: Ah Meng
Age: Still young
Sex: Never. Still under age
Religion: I only have experience praying my
cat who dead 2 years before
Race: I love to race, how you know?
Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer
Sanyo
IC Number: 6735
Telephone number: House no telephone
Hand phone number: 3310
Address: Penang Jelutong
City: Nor Haliza?
Postcode: I never post anything
State: In my family, I am 2nd
Country: I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status: Secret
Email Address: Hotmail
Education Background: My teacher said not bad
Working experience: Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name: Daddy
Father's IC: You ask him
Mother's name: Mummy
Mother's IC: You ask her
Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary: As much as you can pay
When can start work: Depends on my mood
Highest qualification: Ya, very high
Grade: Ya, very high
College/University: College
Signature: Can I use chop?

a month and 7days

it's very hard to forgive ourselves when we hurt someone that cares us..... ;'(

yup.... I'm the mean one i admit that.....

just wondering " how are u?"

update~update~update~

grrrr...this week killing me softly.... let me list down my "need to do" for this week

07/04 - Malaysian Economy Test + need to acting for Mandarin Drama

07-11/04 - I've to make sure my Research from chapter 1 - 3 is complete (buduuuu.....OMG baru chapter 2 bah kmi buat...)and need to submit by this Saturday. I've to do my Project Management before Friday (matai....i don't know how to do disssssssss)

09/04 - Mandarin again (listening Test)

11/04 - BEL 432 Test

I need a BREAK ....Stress tahap dewa suda dis......

I miss HIM.... ( apa khabar agaknya dia???????) haven't heard anything from him almost 3 week... :'(

You're True Sabahan When......................

1. You drive at right lane of the road, with a speed of only 50 KM/H.
   If people horn behind you, you still don’t know what’s wrong.
2. You have the luxury of working from 8 AM to 5 PM (get off work punctually).
3. You don’t believe that there is any "clean" politician in Sabah.
4. You feel "obligated" to reach the top of Mount Kinabalu at least
   once in a lifetime.
5. You prefer a big car than a big house (probably you can’t drive a big house around to show off).
6. You wear slipper and short wherever you go, even in city.
7. You still think that Labuan belongs to Sabah.
8. You will not go to any FREE seminar / function that has no food or refreshment.
9. You don’t care about service. You just want things cheap, cheap, cheap.
10. You know where to get your candles and torch light quickly in the total darkness (due to training by frequent blackout).
11. You know what "aramaitiee" means…
12. You shout "referee bodoh" and at the same time throw mineral water bottles on the pitch during a football match at Likas Stadium..
13. Your Timorese maid ran away with her lover, taking your money or jewellery along..
14. You doubt someone’s mykad weather it is real or fake..
15. Your favourite assemblyman whom you vote and supported all this while…gambled away and lost a whopping 60 million ringgit in a London casino..
16. You go inside a karaoke at 12 pm and realise that the place is still open at 5 am…
17. You come across a supposedly local person but with a very foreign accent..
18. You cannot vote in an election because someone has voted on behalf of you…
19. You own a bakakuk.
20. You know how to use "BAH" in proper way
    

Assignment + Blogging +Surfing = Happy

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms. This post really touched my heart..Mula2 baca..bikin P.A.N.A.S but when it comes to the end of the story...TOUCHED bah sampai terkuar air mata ni....so mcm gatal jak tu tangan mo p copy n paste...yup i did it (hehe...bz jak kan) but this is entry betul2 siok bah dats y lh aku post...oya, this post i found in Sheila blog ...So Mari lh kita MEMBACA..


When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out In Your Arms...


On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.


Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, darling, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, darling; do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Me.Euphoria.Reen

okey its friday nite ... around 11.30 p.m. kwn aku dr sabah called...

Reen Vvy(sory ren guna nama sebenar) : uii...where r u?

Hanah : Aku?ala dmana lg In Melaka lh...

Ren : O..ingat u in KL...so hows life?

Hanah : No lh..life?juz fine but boring sikit lh ..and my kepala mau hancur suda dis cuz byk tul asignmenst and test. my exam is around da corner...Matai lh like diss...

Ren : Ala u dis mcm tia biasa...buat lh mcm kita dulu2...go clubin' dear..release ur tension..

Hanah : Haha..Gilak...m INSAF od lh babe...

Ren :Adui...since wen dis?how come i din know?????....alaaaa....mana siok like dis..i baru mo ceta about the new club bah...

Hanah : What?New club?Where?

Ren: Ya la..d Sunway bh dat...Euphoria ka kalu ndak silap....mcm best jak dat club cuz cannot smoke inside da club.hu3...best lh bah dat so the baju pun tidak lah bebau rokok...

Hanah : O ya ka...ishkkk..i dunno owh..kecian kan me...hehe...since BerSARA dis, i dunno od psl club2 dis (ceh tryin' 2b Innocent la kunun... (*sigh*)

Ren : Ceh....tp mcm i mo try p sna lh cuz i od surf tenet and mcm siok dis tat club ... try lh surf mesti u rasa mo pigi tu... http://www.euphoria.com.my/

Hanah : Bah ..ya lh nnt i try...

Ren : Try ar...pas 2 nnt kita pigi tau..jgn lupa ... may be dis June or July i'm in KL.Ko cuti kan??...so time tu lh kita p...ok?

Hanah :He3....ala u dis dtg cni dulu then baru kita ceta dat thing..ok?deal?

Ren : k..deal...bah ok lh..nanT lg i called u..take k n miss u..

Hanah : ok2..take care..miss u too..

Klik...Haaa, tats Ren..my gud girlfren since high school and my crime partner (hahaha) ... we used to go club together and she is the best dancer ever...(admire her a lot -ren,part dance jak lh...hahaha)

urrrmm...so after dat, aku surf lh like what Ren told me td...so lets check it out...

Euphoria by Ministry of Sound @ Sunway Lagoon Resort

Entrance of Euphoria

Electro Ballroom

Electro Ballroom

yap, u r daaaaamm rite Reen. Get many info from the website. Euphoria was opened on 02.07.08..so means here if Reen wanna go there, she have to be in Euphoria on 02.07.09. I'm sure the management will having their 1st anniverssary and it would be fun...(Reen,my tanduk mcm mo kuar2 suda dis..ha3...oya still semester break lg dat..)

The selection of the songs is nice i guess (from what i heard at their website). The fee enterance is quite affordable, around RM 40 and above include 1 drink.Nice2.... need more info???? visit their website ... :)

-end-

Mind ur OWN business sista...

Bikin Panas....benci tul aku bile aku punye time tido d kacau...

hellooooo.... aku tau lh cmne nak urus diri aku sendiri...bukannye aku ni kembar or sedara c upin & ipin yg mana kak ros tu slalu kena kejutkan depa hari2...aku boleh bangun sendiri lh...aku tau lh jam berapa aku kena bangun...xyah susa2 nak kejutkan aku...BIKIN PANAAASSS tulll...awal2 pagi dh rosakkan mood aku...pe lg semua org d sekeliling aku pun kena tempias..isssskkkk i'm so geram lh dgn org2 yg mcm ni...sebok je nak jaga tepi kain org...

JAGA TEPI KAIN DIRI KO SENDIRI DULU LH BAI....

i lurve HUZAIMAN ....

2 days aku x online cuz on sat evening aku g KL till Monday. Around 4.00 p.m my bro called me,

Abg Is : "salam, ko boleh turun KL ka dis week?"

Hanah : "Napa?"

Abg Is : "C anti beth kena tahan di hospital tu,so mo bawa ko sekali p tgok dia"

Hanah:"Hah!!! napa?apa sakit?

Abg Is: "Kena Anemia,lagipun anak2 dia kurang sihat tu"

Hanah : "O...ok lh nanti lepas program ni sy turun lh"

Abg Is :"Ermm...ya lh,sampai Pudu nanti call sy"

Hanah : "ok"

Actually, memang aku planned nak balik Kl pon ptg tu..saje je nak balik KL cuz duk kat Melaka ni mesti boring lgpon dh 2minggu aku x balik...klu balik KL means boleh minta duit kat abg aku (hahahaha ... aku lh adik yg penjahat...ngeh...ngeh...ngeh....)

ptg smpai KL aku balik umah abg aku...sampai kat umah, dia kuar jap...dia smpai umah lebih kurang kul 9.00 p.m. then direct jln g Ipoh. smpai Gopeng around 10.40 p.m. (laju nak mampus awal..nasib baik r smpai dgn selamatnye).. smpai Gopeng x p hospital trus cuz dh lewat sgt so ape lagi tido lh...... tersangat-sangat-sangat-sangat letih.....

Esoknye...kitaorg g lh melawat my auntie...huhu..pucat gile muka dia n nampaknye dia dh susut sikit lh.....Doctor ckp, my auntie kena tambah darah cuz mmg dh kurang sgt darah dlm badan dia... phone aku bunyi..msg masuk....aku x bls cuz xde cdt...then aku biarkan je...sory lh ye ...

so aku jaga my auntie smpai petang jg then around 6.00 p.m my bro amik aku balik Gopeng. My bro balik Kl ptg tu tp aku x ikut pon cuz monday still holiday kan..so aku stay lh sehari lg kat Gopeng..lagipon aku rindu gile ngan HUZAIMAN...lama betul x jumpe dia ni.....

Huzaiman with Eera(bibiks)

Huzaiman, miss him like crazieeee....dh kurus sgt dia ni..ye lh camne x kurus..seminggu sihat,2 minggu sakit..aku pon x faham kenapa ada org yg x berperikemanusian mcm MEREKA2 tu nak mengenakan insan sekecil dia. Tak sangka di era 20an ni masih wujud lagi ilmu2 hitam yg boleh membuat kan insan2 lain terseksa....Pilu bila terdengar dia menangis di tengah2 malam kala semua org tgh lena di buai mimpi. Kalu lh aku ni dh keja, mmg dah lama aku bawak lari makcik aku, pretty dan Huzaiman sekali. Makcik aku pon dh bosan dgn MEREKA2 yg x kenal mana satu dosa dan pahala. Sedih aku bile dgr rintihan makcik aku...aku tau dia betul2 tertekan tp at same time dia kena jaga hati husband dia..sbb tu lh dia bersabar selama ni...x silap lebih dr 10 tahun kot...

Huzaiman,si kecil yg tak tahu ape2 tapi telah melalui byk cubaan.aku berharap sgt dia dpt bertahan..aku harap aku sentiasa boleh berada di sisi dia agar aku boleh protect dia... he deserve to get better life...aku byk mghabiskan masa aku dgn dia sebab aku tau bukan selalu aku dapat bersama-sama dengan dia. aku peluk,aku cium dan aku buat dia ketawa sepuas-puasnya sbb aku tak tahu bila lagi aku dapat kembali ke Gopeng.

urmm...sepanjang aku berada di sana aku lupe ttg handset aku yg kehausan battery...by the way aku mmg xde charger n kat rumah makcik aku ni pon xde sepa yg gune nokia yg charger besau...abg aku ade lh tp jenis yg kecik.so,phone aku xde battery lh 4 2 days so anyone yg call aku mmg confirm x dpt.sory ek anyone yg call aku tat day...well aku pon x risau ape2 pon sebab xde sepa2 yg nak call pon.

aku balik KL ari isnin (tgh hari)...beli ticket kat Pudu n after that sempat g jln2 kat BB..

KL hujan ptg tu..hujan lebat gile jln jem tp nasib baik aku bole p puduraya gak n back to my boring life (here in Melaka...)



-end-

jiwa kacau

huhu...jiwa kacau neh.....will update 2morow....

nite2

guni2

heeee..... 2morow ade PPKP (pastinya bosan tahap dewa).. dah lh stat kul 8.00 a.m. abes pulak kul 6.30... gile ke ape....mati lh mcm ni..

as usual, aku masih x bleh tido .... dulu aku selalu stay up cuz of him .... cuz nak ceta2 ngan dia (demiiiiittt... i miss tat moment) but now... its gone...gone forever....

oya.. dua hari lepas aku sempat abeskan dua novel .... novel tangkap lentok la weh ...tp novel by LIZA ZAHIRA bertajuk IMPIAN KASIH , ada petikan kat muka surat 2 tu yg agak kena dgn aku...cis.... terkena aku..padan muke suke sgt baca novel,kebetulan yg aku x sangka...dah lh nama tu sama.. tempat study pon boleh sama....huhuhu.. ,,
thats y aku x sengaja ingat kat die.... well I'm pushing myself to 4get him but seems like it's really hard.... ;/

oye..kwn aku Mohd.Azmie B.Mali nak kawen dis 21st March 2009 kat Lahad Datu tp aku x dpt p lh ..... sory Jiew.... aku nak sgt p sebab bole jg aku tgok Mrs.Azmie .... x pe lh reunion clas nnt boleh jumpe ..... ckp ttg reunion ni, aku teringat X-clasmate aku tym kat uitm kk dulu .. Let me named this person Mr.B aka guni2 ... aku bengang tul ngan die ni..sbb kdg mood ok,kdg mood mcm sial tahap dewa... sbenarnye aku try call dia bru2 ni..1st, aku miscol dulu sbb tats our style baru nak call for da 2nd tym , fon aku bbunyi .. ting2 (msg masuk lh)

Mr.B aka guni2 :SIAL ....lain kali klu mo call org agak2 lah


Hanah : aik, e2 pon mo mara ka ?


Mr.B : wrong timing ko ging ...tgh panas ni..


Hanah : ala,mana aku tau ko ok ka x tym 2... sudah lh.... malas mo call ko lg.. xpernah ko mara aku tp td btul2 bt aku sakit hati... lepas ni aku x kan call ko lg n anggap jak kita x kenal each other...


Mr.B : sory lh agak kasar td..aik marah nampak

aku x bls ape die pon msg tu..lantak lh ... dh fed up kwn ngan org mcm dia... well, i'm sure semue mesti tertanye2 kan dia tu siapa sebenarnye n y aku sensitive sgt bile dia mara aku.... errr...urmm... let it be SECRET between me n him. seriously aku sgt terasa smpai aku sendiri x sedar aku mgalirkan air mata tym dpt msg dia. arrrrggghhh biaq lh dia..

jam dh hampir kul 2.00 a.m. tp mata aku still segar bugar....gile lh....x pe lh pas ni paksa je, lama2 terlelap gak tu.. ok lh enuff 4 now .... nite2

-end-

lately....

urmm... m not happy at all....

lately ..... :

aku tido lewat sgt... susa nk lelapkan mata (i'm sory mumy.. cuz xikut ckp mumy...biarlh my eye got"eyed bag" ~who cares~)

aku cepat terasa n my tear senang2 je nak kuar (huhuhu..i don't know y i become too sensitive ~oh o... is tat means old Hanah is comin' back ??? ~)

aku rindu my family specially my mum and nieces, my grandma (i wanna hug u nek) my Avane , n besties ...

aku rasa down sgt2.... malas nk study ( the word QUIT keep spin' in my head)

aku nak lari..... run from everything


09:51:03 p.m. (05/03/09)

made stupid statement/confession ~don't u ever do like that Hanah~
urmm .... actually i expected sumthing else but..... demittt !!!!! it wasn't like what i expected ..

Hanah ..from now on, u take care urself Hanah...u're BIG BIG girl already...
his word is 101 % correct and for sure I WILL REMEMBER THAT

-end-

25/09/08
it will never be the same again

me. HIM. them

semalam aku tido awal gile lepas aku tgok ALEXANDRIA, dalam kul 9.30 p.m cam tu dh tido.....terinflunce ngan cinta aku ni sbb aku tgok dia tido best gile...hehehe....tp sbg balasannye aku bgun awal lh kul 5.10 td..

At Home : (around 6.45 i guess) bg SMS kat die

Hanah : U....Wake up....Wake up....Wake up......

At campus : (9.30 a.m.) TALKS WITH DR.HARDAVE KAUR ttg Local Government kot td...ala...x amek port sgt cuz aku tgh memBUSYkan diri bt revision sambil2 ceta ngan cinta aku ,darling aku n c power... tp xceta ape pon ceta ttg test nnt.. Talks tu abes lbh kurang jam 12.00 td and we all direct balik umah trus ...makan kat umah je today.

around 1.30 aku ade YM dgn si dia... die kata "sory x reply msg u pg td..xde cdt...thanks coz kejut i"...tym YM tu die masih kat sekolah. nothing interesting actually but it made me happy. At least aku bole lepas rindu kat die....bg die a few of my pix but x sempat bg semua.... tym tu die nak signout dh and aku pon nak g clas dh pon...

afternoon at kampus.....

ptg td baru je lepas test SOCSO yg sengal (sengal ker???? ke aku yg sengal sbb x mampu mjwb dgn baek? ape2 lh x kesah pon dh lepas....selebihnye biar En.Mie yg pening kepala nak bg markah kat aku (hahahaha...sory ek En.Mie)

tp ade yg lebih sengal lg sbb ni melibatkan 3 org insan yg sengal tahap dewa..biar aku gelar depa ni c madhavan si hero tamil , Mr.Beego and c Mr.Bean...

1st story about Mr.Beego : menyakitkan ati tul mamat ni...bukan aku yg sakit ati sebenarnye tp cinta aku yg sakit ngan dia ni..dh depan2 mata tak nak tegur org pulak..BIKIN PANAS...aku dh fed up nk bg advice kt c beego ni...ari 2 bukan maen g nak ngan cinta aku..minta aku tolong lh..ape lh....tp bile bab tegur HARAM... malas aku....

2nd story about Mr.Bean : budget nsem.... tak pasal2 tak tegur darling aku...aku pon tak faham..aku pon dia buat tak tau je bile nampak aku...tak faham....tak faham.....tak faham..die jeles kot darling aku ada hanamichi....lantak die lh....yg penting x effect aku.

3rd story about madhavan si hero tamil : die ni kecian..memandangkan die kwn org yg atas ni, die pun terkena tempias..ni perbualan aku ngan die td....


Madhavan : weh, Hanah aku lapar lh

Hanah : p lh makan...

Madhavan: nak makan lh nie...

Hanah : weh ko jahat ....

Madhavan : Hah (dgn riak muke yg terkejut beruk) ape yg aku jahat?

Hanah : kmu dua jahat (merujuk kepada Mr.Beego)



aku pon berlalu dgn muke sombong aku n puas ati gile (puas ati ker????) padan muke...ni klu depa tgok ape yg aku tulis ni mesti aku kena kaw2 punye...tp aku pedulik ape...x kesah pon....lalala

erm...nanti lg lh aku update blog aku...dh byk sgt merapu dlm ni..tetiba fikiran aku tersasar jauh dr landasan yg sepatutnye...teringat kepada seseorang..ape agaknye die tgh buat ye?....

-end-

at last ....

i receive his msg around 11.30 on 28/02/09 after a week i guess. the msg was like this

hamzah : hai...tgh wat ape? - 1st msg...

hamzah : dh tido? -2nd msg

aku x reply pon sbb aku xde cdt..yea lh dh lama x top up sbb klu top up pon nak call sepa kan...xde sepa2 kot...so aku biar je lh msg tu ( sory lh ye ... :p ) tp suprise me..he called..then i answered..bermula lah debate antara aku dan dia.....well he admit his mistake tp aku dgn selambanye berkata WHATEVER !!!!! (tone ego ni yg hanya d ketauhi ole org2 yg terdekat) once i said and made tone like that it actually bermaksud :

(1) aku GERAM
(2) aku PANAS HATI
(3) aku mmg panas hati yg teramat sgt

ok back to my coversation ngan dia td... well he did explain nape dia bt mcm 2, boleh diterima lh excuse yg die bagi....hurm??? ntah lh..aku malas nak memanjangkan issues ni kot..
but I've made a huge mistake (i guess) that girl kwn dia je sbenarnye (based on dia lh)...pheww...what a mistake...lalalalala

so kitaorg bt kata sepakat....??sepakat?huhuhu aku yg nakkan mcm 2 kot with the reasons lh of cos....kitaorg jd kwn dulu..start all over again....kwn tuk mengenali hati budi masing2 sbb may b dgn cara ni aku rase baik tuk kitaorg....rasanye lh

i admit, i felt so sad and ada jg nangis cuz m still love him, l love him so much (peh jiwang lh pulok...) but aku rasa our r/ship x sampai kemana klu kitaorg mcm ni slalu...like what hamzah said both of us ada EGO yg tinggi... whatever lh (alamak ni bukan sakit ati tp .... arggghhhh aku sdiri pun x tau nak clasify)

ok2 stop for now ...dia ajak on9 ni.....bye n selamat malam.

unsatissfaction

helo....lama rasanya x update blog di sebabkan busy yg memanjang...(eeeuukkk bz ker)....blog once again jd my besties di kala sunyi dan sepi (peh...jiwang lh tu)..stop nonsense hanah... lets start..

after a year x updated blog,banyak benda yg aku nak share ngan readers yg byk masa terluang utk bca blog aku...

firstly,well aku masi kat UITM KBM ni (sem 5)..masih menimba ilmu kala teman2 yg lain dh keja tp no worries my besties maseh study gak so ok lh tu(saida tone)....aku masi lg stay ngan geng2 keras aku yg sama2 sewel ngan aku hahaha...mati aku klu depa tgok ni mesti depa mara kat aku tp aku pedulik ape...

ape aku ni merapu di kala petang yg menjelma ni?????ok hanah....back to main topic...


sebenarnye aku nak melahirkan unsatissfaction aku kepada insan yg bernama Hamzah(merangkap bf aku dulu tp skrg ???? aku pun x tau nk gelar dia ape dh...)
since aku ni jauh dr family n Avane...so aku pon xde cara lain nak luahkan ape yg terpendam...

i think issue panas antara kmi start 19/03/09... di mana aku dgn kbodohan aku telah beri satu kuiz utk mgtahui sejauh mane dia ingat kat aku... but in the end the results is he didn't even remember me ... sheeeettttt....but as usual aku sabo je...but then it become worst day by day..last skali dia msg ngan aku on Sunday.the message was like this...

hamzah : U, budak2 sekolah i kalah game rugby td. 3 kalah 1 menang :( .

hanah : takpe lh b, biase lh adat pmainan ada kalah ada menang...

then after tat, i never dpt msg satu pon dr dia...call lg lh..HARAM...

aku pon x fhm...rasanye aku x wat salah pape pon...gile ke ape!!!!!!!!!!!
then this morning...he really made me mad at him....gile..mmg kebudak-budakan tul...e2 kah yg nak dikatakan cikgu alaf baru...pemikiran yg cetek...daamm..

klu ye pon die nak lari dr hidup aku...at least ckp lh...aku x kesah lh klu nk ended this relationship cuz of org ke-3...pergi janaham lh die ngan pompuan yg runied this r/ship. aku pedulik ape...i have other things to wooried lh.... u didnt gv me any effect lg since 2nd break up...hahahaa... from now on..baik kite bawa haluan masing2 lh weh...p lh cr pompuan yg tahan ngan sikap ang tu..wa dh x pedulik and dun u ever2 check ape2 lg ttg aku...blah lh kau dr hidup aku..u shud noe dis "ur alexandria walks away and no more turn back"

hamzah : u noe sumthing,u dun even noe anything about me...

aku harap kau bahagia ngan die,aku InsyaALLAH akan bahagia ngan Life aku...