Assignment + Blogging +Surfing = Happy

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms. This post really touched my heart..Mula2 baca..bikin P.A.N.A.S but when it comes to the end of the story...TOUCHED bah sampai terkuar air mata ni....so mcm gatal jak tu tangan mo p copy n paste...yup i did it (hehe...bz jak kan) but this is entry betul2 siok bah dats y lh aku post...oya, this post i found in Sheila blog ...So Mari lh kita MEMBACA..


When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out In Your Arms...


On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.


Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, darling, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, darling; do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Me.Euphoria.Reen

okey its friday nite ... around 11.30 p.m. kwn aku dr sabah called...

Reen Vvy(sory ren guna nama sebenar) : uii...where r u?

Hanah : Aku?ala dmana lg In Melaka lh...

Ren : O..ingat u in KL...so hows life?

Hanah : No lh..life?juz fine but boring sikit lh ..and my kepala mau hancur suda dis cuz byk tul asignmenst and test. my exam is around da corner...Matai lh like diss...

Ren : Ala u dis mcm tia biasa...buat lh mcm kita dulu2...go clubin' dear..release ur tension..

Hanah : Haha..Gilak...m INSAF od lh babe...

Ren :Adui...since wen dis?how come i din know?????....alaaaa....mana siok like dis..i baru mo ceta about the new club bah...

Hanah : What?New club?Where?

Ren: Ya la..d Sunway bh dat...Euphoria ka kalu ndak silap....mcm best jak dat club cuz cannot smoke inside da club.hu3...best lh bah dat so the baju pun tidak lah bebau rokok...

Hanah : O ya ka...ishkkk..i dunno owh..kecian kan me...hehe...since BerSARA dis, i dunno od psl club2 dis (ceh tryin' 2b Innocent la kunun... (*sigh*)

Ren : Ceh....tp mcm i mo try p sna lh cuz i od surf tenet and mcm siok dis tat club ... try lh surf mesti u rasa mo pigi tu... http://www.euphoria.com.my/

Hanah : Bah ..ya lh nnt i try...

Ren : Try ar...pas 2 nnt kita pigi tau..jgn lupa ... may be dis June or July i'm in KL.Ko cuti kan??...so time tu lh kita p...ok?

Hanah :He3....ala u dis dtg cni dulu then baru kita ceta dat thing..ok?deal?

Ren : k..deal...bah ok lh..nanT lg i called u..take k n miss u..

Hanah : ok2..take care..miss u too..

Klik...Haaa, tats Ren..my gud girlfren since high school and my crime partner (hahaha) ... we used to go club together and she is the best dancer ever...(admire her a lot -ren,part dance jak lh...hahaha)

urrrmm...so after dat, aku surf lh like what Ren told me td...so lets check it out...

Euphoria by Ministry of Sound @ Sunway Lagoon Resort

Entrance of Euphoria

Electro Ballroom

Electro Ballroom

yap, u r daaaaamm rite Reen. Get many info from the website. Euphoria was opened on 02.07.08..so means here if Reen wanna go there, she have to be in Euphoria on 02.07.09. I'm sure the management will having their 1st anniverssary and it would be fun...(Reen,my tanduk mcm mo kuar2 suda dis..ha3...oya still semester break lg dat..)

The selection of the songs is nice i guess (from what i heard at their website). The fee enterance is quite affordable, around RM 40 and above include 1 drink.Nice2.... need more info???? visit their website ... :)

-end-

Mind ur OWN business sista...

Bikin Panas....benci tul aku bile aku punye time tido d kacau...

hellooooo.... aku tau lh cmne nak urus diri aku sendiri...bukannye aku ni kembar or sedara c upin & ipin yg mana kak ros tu slalu kena kejutkan depa hari2...aku boleh bangun sendiri lh...aku tau lh jam berapa aku kena bangun...xyah susa2 nak kejutkan aku...BIKIN PANAAASSS tulll...awal2 pagi dh rosakkan mood aku...pe lg semua org d sekeliling aku pun kena tempias..isssskkkk i'm so geram lh dgn org2 yg mcm ni...sebok je nak jaga tepi kain org...

JAGA TEPI KAIN DIRI KO SENDIRI DULU LH BAI....

i lurve HUZAIMAN ....

2 days aku x online cuz on sat evening aku g KL till Monday. Around 4.00 p.m my bro called me,

Abg Is : "salam, ko boleh turun KL ka dis week?"

Hanah : "Napa?"

Abg Is : "C anti beth kena tahan di hospital tu,so mo bawa ko sekali p tgok dia"

Hanah:"Hah!!! napa?apa sakit?

Abg Is: "Kena Anemia,lagipun anak2 dia kurang sihat tu"

Hanah : "O...ok lh nanti lepas program ni sy turun lh"

Abg Is :"Ermm...ya lh,sampai Pudu nanti call sy"

Hanah : "ok"

Actually, memang aku planned nak balik Kl pon ptg tu..saje je nak balik KL cuz duk kat Melaka ni mesti boring lgpon dh 2minggu aku x balik...klu balik KL means boleh minta duit kat abg aku (hahahaha ... aku lh adik yg penjahat...ngeh...ngeh...ngeh....)

ptg smpai KL aku balik umah abg aku...sampai kat umah, dia kuar jap...dia smpai umah lebih kurang kul 9.00 p.m. then direct jln g Ipoh. smpai Gopeng around 10.40 p.m. (laju nak mampus awal..nasib baik r smpai dgn selamatnye).. smpai Gopeng x p hospital trus cuz dh lewat sgt so ape lagi tido lh...... tersangat-sangat-sangat-sangat letih.....

Esoknye...kitaorg g lh melawat my auntie...huhu..pucat gile muka dia n nampaknye dia dh susut sikit lh.....Doctor ckp, my auntie kena tambah darah cuz mmg dh kurang sgt darah dlm badan dia... phone aku bunyi..msg masuk....aku x bls cuz xde cdt...then aku biarkan je...sory lh ye ...

so aku jaga my auntie smpai petang jg then around 6.00 p.m my bro amik aku balik Gopeng. My bro balik Kl ptg tu tp aku x ikut pon cuz monday still holiday kan..so aku stay lh sehari lg kat Gopeng..lagipon aku rindu gile ngan HUZAIMAN...lama betul x jumpe dia ni.....

Huzaiman with Eera(bibiks)

Huzaiman, miss him like crazieeee....dh kurus sgt dia ni..ye lh camne x kurus..seminggu sihat,2 minggu sakit..aku pon x faham kenapa ada org yg x berperikemanusian mcm MEREKA2 tu nak mengenakan insan sekecil dia. Tak sangka di era 20an ni masih wujud lagi ilmu2 hitam yg boleh membuat kan insan2 lain terseksa....Pilu bila terdengar dia menangis di tengah2 malam kala semua org tgh lena di buai mimpi. Kalu lh aku ni dh keja, mmg dah lama aku bawak lari makcik aku, pretty dan Huzaiman sekali. Makcik aku pon dh bosan dgn MEREKA2 yg x kenal mana satu dosa dan pahala. Sedih aku bile dgr rintihan makcik aku...aku tau dia betul2 tertekan tp at same time dia kena jaga hati husband dia..sbb tu lh dia bersabar selama ni...x silap lebih dr 10 tahun kot...

Huzaiman,si kecil yg tak tahu ape2 tapi telah melalui byk cubaan.aku berharap sgt dia dpt bertahan..aku harap aku sentiasa boleh berada di sisi dia agar aku boleh protect dia... he deserve to get better life...aku byk mghabiskan masa aku dgn dia sebab aku tau bukan selalu aku dapat bersama-sama dengan dia. aku peluk,aku cium dan aku buat dia ketawa sepuas-puasnya sbb aku tak tahu bila lagi aku dapat kembali ke Gopeng.

urmm...sepanjang aku berada di sana aku lupe ttg handset aku yg kehausan battery...by the way aku mmg xde charger n kat rumah makcik aku ni pon xde sepa yg gune nokia yg charger besau...abg aku ade lh tp jenis yg kecik.so,phone aku xde battery lh 4 2 days so anyone yg call aku mmg confirm x dpt.sory ek anyone yg call aku tat day...well aku pon x risau ape2 pon sebab xde sepa2 yg nak call pon.

aku balik KL ari isnin (tgh hari)...beli ticket kat Pudu n after that sempat g jln2 kat BB..

KL hujan ptg tu..hujan lebat gile jln jem tp nasib baik aku bole p puduraya gak n back to my boring life (here in Melaka...)



-end-

jiwa kacau

huhu...jiwa kacau neh.....will update 2morow....

nite2

guni2

heeee..... 2morow ade PPKP (pastinya bosan tahap dewa).. dah lh stat kul 8.00 a.m. abes pulak kul 6.30... gile ke ape....mati lh mcm ni..

as usual, aku masih x bleh tido .... dulu aku selalu stay up cuz of him .... cuz nak ceta2 ngan dia (demiiiiittt... i miss tat moment) but now... its gone...gone forever....

oya.. dua hari lepas aku sempat abeskan dua novel .... novel tangkap lentok la weh ...tp novel by LIZA ZAHIRA bertajuk IMPIAN KASIH , ada petikan kat muka surat 2 tu yg agak kena dgn aku...cis.... terkena aku..padan muke suke sgt baca novel,kebetulan yg aku x sangka...dah lh nama tu sama.. tempat study pon boleh sama....huhuhu.. ,,
thats y aku x sengaja ingat kat die.... well I'm pushing myself to 4get him but seems like it's really hard.... ;/

oye..kwn aku Mohd.Azmie B.Mali nak kawen dis 21st March 2009 kat Lahad Datu tp aku x dpt p lh ..... sory Jiew.... aku nak sgt p sebab bole jg aku tgok Mrs.Azmie .... x pe lh reunion clas nnt boleh jumpe ..... ckp ttg reunion ni, aku teringat X-clasmate aku tym kat uitm kk dulu .. Let me named this person Mr.B aka guni2 ... aku bengang tul ngan die ni..sbb kdg mood ok,kdg mood mcm sial tahap dewa... sbenarnye aku try call dia bru2 ni..1st, aku miscol dulu sbb tats our style baru nak call for da 2nd tym , fon aku bbunyi .. ting2 (msg masuk lh)

Mr.B aka guni2 :SIAL ....lain kali klu mo call org agak2 lah


Hanah : aik, e2 pon mo mara ka ?


Mr.B : wrong timing ko ging ...tgh panas ni..


Hanah : ala,mana aku tau ko ok ka x tym 2... sudah lh.... malas mo call ko lg.. xpernah ko mara aku tp td btul2 bt aku sakit hati... lepas ni aku x kan call ko lg n anggap jak kita x kenal each other...


Mr.B : sory lh agak kasar td..aik marah nampak

aku x bls ape die pon msg tu..lantak lh ... dh fed up kwn ngan org mcm dia... well, i'm sure semue mesti tertanye2 kan dia tu siapa sebenarnye n y aku sensitive sgt bile dia mara aku.... errr...urmm... let it be SECRET between me n him. seriously aku sgt terasa smpai aku sendiri x sedar aku mgalirkan air mata tym dpt msg dia. arrrrggghhh biaq lh dia..

jam dh hampir kul 2.00 a.m. tp mata aku still segar bugar....gile lh....x pe lh pas ni paksa je, lama2 terlelap gak tu.. ok lh enuff 4 now .... nite2

-end-

lately....

urmm... m not happy at all....

lately ..... :

aku tido lewat sgt... susa nk lelapkan mata (i'm sory mumy.. cuz xikut ckp mumy...biarlh my eye got"eyed bag" ~who cares~)

aku cepat terasa n my tear senang2 je nak kuar (huhuhu..i don't know y i become too sensitive ~oh o... is tat means old Hanah is comin' back ??? ~)

aku rindu my family specially my mum and nieces, my grandma (i wanna hug u nek) my Avane , n besties ...

aku rasa down sgt2.... malas nk study ( the word QUIT keep spin' in my head)

aku nak lari..... run from everything


09:51:03 p.m. (05/03/09)

made stupid statement/confession ~don't u ever do like that Hanah~
urmm .... actually i expected sumthing else but..... demittt !!!!! it wasn't like what i expected ..

Hanah ..from now on, u take care urself Hanah...u're BIG BIG girl already...
his word is 101 % correct and for sure I WILL REMEMBER THAT

-end-

25/09/08
it will never be the same again

me. HIM. them

semalam aku tido awal gile lepas aku tgok ALEXANDRIA, dalam kul 9.30 p.m cam tu dh tido.....terinflunce ngan cinta aku ni sbb aku tgok dia tido best gile...hehehe....tp sbg balasannye aku bgun awal lh kul 5.10 td..

At Home : (around 6.45 i guess) bg SMS kat die

Hanah : U....Wake up....Wake up....Wake up......

At campus : (9.30 a.m.) TALKS WITH DR.HARDAVE KAUR ttg Local Government kot td...ala...x amek port sgt cuz aku tgh memBUSYkan diri bt revision sambil2 ceta ngan cinta aku ,darling aku n c power... tp xceta ape pon ceta ttg test nnt.. Talks tu abes lbh kurang jam 12.00 td and we all direct balik umah trus ...makan kat umah je today.

around 1.30 aku ade YM dgn si dia... die kata "sory x reply msg u pg td..xde cdt...thanks coz kejut i"...tym YM tu die masih kat sekolah. nothing interesting actually but it made me happy. At least aku bole lepas rindu kat die....bg die a few of my pix but x sempat bg semua.... tym tu die nak signout dh and aku pon nak g clas dh pon...

afternoon at kampus.....

ptg td baru je lepas test SOCSO yg sengal (sengal ker???? ke aku yg sengal sbb x mampu mjwb dgn baek? ape2 lh x kesah pon dh lepas....selebihnye biar En.Mie yg pening kepala nak bg markah kat aku (hahahaha...sory ek En.Mie)

tp ade yg lebih sengal lg sbb ni melibatkan 3 org insan yg sengal tahap dewa..biar aku gelar depa ni c madhavan si hero tamil , Mr.Beego and c Mr.Bean...

1st story about Mr.Beego : menyakitkan ati tul mamat ni...bukan aku yg sakit ati sebenarnye tp cinta aku yg sakit ngan dia ni..dh depan2 mata tak nak tegur org pulak..BIKIN PANAS...aku dh fed up nk bg advice kt c beego ni...ari 2 bukan maen g nak ngan cinta aku..minta aku tolong lh..ape lh....tp bile bab tegur HARAM... malas aku....

2nd story about Mr.Bean : budget nsem.... tak pasal2 tak tegur darling aku...aku pon tak faham..aku pon dia buat tak tau je bile nampak aku...tak faham....tak faham.....tak faham..die jeles kot darling aku ada hanamichi....lantak die lh....yg penting x effect aku.

3rd story about madhavan si hero tamil : die ni kecian..memandangkan die kwn org yg atas ni, die pun terkena tempias..ni perbualan aku ngan die td....


Madhavan : weh, Hanah aku lapar lh

Hanah : p lh makan...

Madhavan: nak makan lh nie...

Hanah : weh ko jahat ....

Madhavan : Hah (dgn riak muke yg terkejut beruk) ape yg aku jahat?

Hanah : kmu dua jahat (merujuk kepada Mr.Beego)



aku pon berlalu dgn muke sombong aku n puas ati gile (puas ati ker????) padan muke...ni klu depa tgok ape yg aku tulis ni mesti aku kena kaw2 punye...tp aku pedulik ape...x kesah pon....lalala

erm...nanti lg lh aku update blog aku...dh byk sgt merapu dlm ni..tetiba fikiran aku tersasar jauh dr landasan yg sepatutnye...teringat kepada seseorang..ape agaknye die tgh buat ye?....

-end-

at last ....

i receive his msg around 11.30 on 28/02/09 after a week i guess. the msg was like this

hamzah : hai...tgh wat ape? - 1st msg...

hamzah : dh tido? -2nd msg

aku x reply pon sbb aku xde cdt..yea lh dh lama x top up sbb klu top up pon nak call sepa kan...xde sepa2 kot...so aku biar je lh msg tu ( sory lh ye ... :p ) tp suprise me..he called..then i answered..bermula lah debate antara aku dan dia.....well he admit his mistake tp aku dgn selambanye berkata WHATEVER !!!!! (tone ego ni yg hanya d ketauhi ole org2 yg terdekat) once i said and made tone like that it actually bermaksud :

(1) aku GERAM
(2) aku PANAS HATI
(3) aku mmg panas hati yg teramat sgt

ok back to my coversation ngan dia td... well he did explain nape dia bt mcm 2, boleh diterima lh excuse yg die bagi....hurm??? ntah lh..aku malas nak memanjangkan issues ni kot..
but I've made a huge mistake (i guess) that girl kwn dia je sbenarnye (based on dia lh)...pheww...what a mistake...lalalalala

so kitaorg bt kata sepakat....??sepakat?huhuhu aku yg nakkan mcm 2 kot with the reasons lh of cos....kitaorg jd kwn dulu..start all over again....kwn tuk mengenali hati budi masing2 sbb may b dgn cara ni aku rase baik tuk kitaorg....rasanye lh

i admit, i felt so sad and ada jg nangis cuz m still love him, l love him so much (peh jiwang lh pulok...) but aku rasa our r/ship x sampai kemana klu kitaorg mcm ni slalu...like what hamzah said both of us ada EGO yg tinggi... whatever lh (alamak ni bukan sakit ati tp .... arggghhhh aku sdiri pun x tau nak clasify)

ok2 stop for now ...dia ajak on9 ni.....bye n selamat malam.